In an organized protest against the Alaska Railroad, Turnagain Arm belugas are planning to stop showing railroad passengers their cutesy-wutesy little faces. “We don’t like railroad passengers looking at us all day, especially tourists from out-of-state,” stated the leader of the beluga union. “We drive up sales for the railroad, and what do we get in return? A bunch of bug-eyed tourists and binos staring out at us from those windows on the train car. The railroad could at the very least throw us some squid, or maybe salmon, for our troubles. In the absence of a food reward, we voted to stop showing passengers our cutesy-wutesy little faces.”
“And boy oh boy are we cute,” continued the union leader as he made just the most adorable face you’ve ever seen. “Something about us, be it our sparkling eyes, our joyous smile, or our melons, really appeals to humans. You’d be darn wrong if you think we aren’t going to capitalize on the Homo sapien propensity to want to swaddle us like a beautiful little newborn.”
At press time, sea otters were starting a misinformation campaign to repair their public image.