August 2026
Business
Wild Scoops Launches 17 New ‘Gubernatorial Gluttony' Flavors
In an effort to get out the vote for the upcoming August Primary Election, Wild Scoops has released 17 new flavors as part of their ‘Gubernatorial Gluttony' line. With a flavor for each gubernatorial candidate, the local ice cream lover has a lot to choose from. The…
Events
"BRING ON THE TINNITUUUUUUS!" Cheer Anchorage Residents In Preparation For Arctic Thunder
Sources report that a group of Anchorage residents gathered at the Delaney Park Strip is earnestly cheering “BRING ON THE TINNITUUUUUUS!” in preparation for the Arctic Thunder Open House this weekend. “I’M SO EXCITED FOR ARCTIC THUNDER THIS WEEKEND! JETS FLYING BY! THE…
Politics
Petersburg Dan Sullivan To Adopt Mother’s Maiden Name: 'Incümbeñt'
In another senatorial twist, the Petersburg Dan Sullivan has stated that he plans to adopt his mother’s maiden name, ‘Incümbeñt’, before the upcoming August Primary Election. “I’ve always wanted my last name to also represent my mom,” stated the senate-hopeful in an…
Calling Nome For Advice
Is He Not Interested Or Is It Just Alaskan Field Season?
Dear Calling Nome, As you know, dating in Alaska can be grim. Just when I thought I found someone’s sled to hitch my huskies to, he left town for a lengthy field season! The North Slope, then the Aleutians Islands, and who knows where next. I appreciate the importance…
Wildlife
Turnagain Arm Belugas Boycott Alaska Railroad By Refusing To Show Their Cutesy-Wutesy Little Faces
In an organized protest against the Alaska Railroad, Turnagain Arm belugas are planning to stop showing railroad passengers their cutesy-wutesy little faces. “We don’t like railroad passengers looking at us all day, especially tourists from out-of-state,” stated the…
Economy
Title Wave Books Inundated By Tsunami Of Obscure 2007 Wii Games
Sources report that Title Wave Books has been completely inundated by a tsunami of obscure 2007 Wii games. “All of a sudden the Wii games just started flooding in,” stated an employee of the used bookstore, knee deep in copies of ‘Geometry Wars Galaxies’, ‘Big Brain…
Parks
Kincaid Parking Lot Acts As Community Third Space After Gates Are Locked At 9pm
Nationwide, there are rising concerns about the lack of 'third spaces' for communities, especially for youth and teens. These third spaces act as social havens outside the workplace and home, and typically are gathering places like libraries, cafes, or community…
Exploration
Opinion: South Anchorage Is The True Last Frontier
Picture this: clear mountain streams, alpine flowers, and bears fishing for salmon. Wide open tundra where musk ox roam, glaciers winding up to the heavens, and cornucopias of cloudberries. You may have an image of the Brooks Range in your head, or possibly our very…
Crime
The Moose-Faced Moose Remains At Large
Known for “Moosing Around”, the “Moose-Face Moose” (referred to by the Anchorage PD as MFM) has been seen lingering around parking lots, coastal trails, and bike paths, often intimidating local hikers at critical bottlenecks by vigorously chewing on leaves and sticks…
Economy
Pick. Click. Give. Regret.
The State of Alaska has announced a new program for on-the-fence philanthropists: Pick. Click. Give. Regret. “This program is specifically designed for those charitable Alaskans who give away some of their PFD to a good cause, but then immediately regret their…
World
Bar Of Soap Dropped In Tub Has Career In X Games
A bar of soap recently dropped in a tub is on track for a career in the X Games. “Did you see that bar of soap go?” asked the still-sudsy man who moments ago dropped the bar in the tub. “It entered the arena with the slickness of a professional, shot down the…
