July 2026
Planning
Kincaid Park Master Plan Update Includes New Restrooms, Trails, 1,000-Foot Paragliding Tower
An update to the Kincaid Park Master Plan includes designs for new restrooms, bike trail connections, and a 1000-foot tall paragliding tower. “Based on public comment, we feel that a 1000-foot tall paragliding tower will really serve the community,” stated a…
Energy
Proposed North Slope Data Center Would Generate Enough Electricity To Give Every Caribou A Heated Blanket
A preliminary report on the proposed North Slope data center finds that it would generate enough excess electricity to give every caribou a heated blanket. “We’re very excited about the possibility of giving every caribou a cozy heated blanket,” a spokesperson for the…
Local
Knights And Maidens Spotted Wandering Around Russian Jack Weeks After Renaissance Fair
Knights and maidens have been spotted wandering around Russian Jack Springs Park weeks after the conclusion of the renaissance fair. “What be your mission, lad?” asked one of the knights wandering around Russian Jack during an interview with a reporter. “My King hath…
Recreation
Crack In Chester Creek Trail Near Westchester Lagoon Swallows Biker Whole
The Municipality of Anchorage reports that a crack in the Chester Creek Trail near Westchester Lagoon has swallowed a biker whole. “FEEEEED MEEEEE,” exclaimed the crack, moments after swallowing the biker whole and burping out a wheel. “BELIEVE IT, BABY! I JUST…
Advice
If Unsure About Reason For Something In Alaska, Just Say "Because Of Glaciers"
Here’s some Alaskan advice. If you’re ever unsure about the reason for something being the way that it is in Alaska, just say "because of glaciers". Not sure why that mountain looks the way it does? “Because of glaciers” sums it up. Does a visiting friend ask how a…
Politics
Peltola Vastly Outpaces Sullivan In Campaign Fundraising, Also In 100-Meter Dash
Sources that report that Mary Peltola has vastly outpaced Dan Sullivan in campaign fundraising, as well as in the 100-meter dash. “She’s so fast!” exclaimed one political consultant working for Peltola, referencing not only her money-raising capabilities but also her…
Planning
Coastal Trail and Ship Creek Trail To Be Connected By Mutual Friend
The Municipality of Anchorage reports that the Tony Knowles Coastal Trail and the Ship Creek Trail will soon be connected by a mutual friend. “We’re very excited that these two trails will finally be able to meet one another,” said Mayor Suzanne LaFrance during a press…
Events
Launched Car Keeps Going
Attendees at the annual 4th of July car launch in Glacier View report that a launched car has kept going. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” exclaimed a bewildered onlooker, squinting to pick out the car amongst the clouds. “They launched the car off the cliff,…
Travel
36 Hours Inside Fred Meyer On Northern Lights
The Fred Meyer grocery store on Northern Lights, as any local will tell you, is a must-see for those visiting Anchorage, Alaska. From the popular produce section in the front to the more mysterious aisles in the rear, there’s something here for everyone, and plenty of…
Politics
In Effort To Differentiate Himself From Petersburg Challenger, Incumbent Dan Sullivan Changes Name To 'Daenerys'
In a last-ditch effort to differentiate himself from the Petersburg challenger of the same name in the August primary, Senator Dan Sullivan has changed his name to Daenerys. “I didn’t want to do it, but my team didn’t think there was any other alternative,” said the…
