A preliminary report on the proposed North Slope data center finds that it would generate enough excess electricity to give every caribou a heated blanket. “We’re very excited about the possibility of giving every caribou a cozy heated blanket,” a spokesperson for the company behind the data center said in response to inquiry. “While our primary focus is fueling the A.I. boom and creating economic opportunity in Alaska, secondary opportunities like supplying excess energy to local communities and giving every caribou a heated blanket are added benefits that just make this project even more appealing”.
“It’s cold up there!” continued the spokesperson, mimicking shivering. “Have you ever been to the North Slope in the dead of winter? I have, and even when I’m bundled up in all my warmest layers the cold gets through! I truly don’t know how all those caribou do it without the help of a fuzzy heated blanket!”
“Have you ever read Click, Clack, Moo: Cows That Type?” added the spokesperson as they pulled out a copy of the picture book from their desk drawer. “Basically, it’s about barn animals that find a typewriter and start making demands of their owner, such as providing electric blankets to keep them warm through the nights, and when those demands are not met the animals go on strike by refusing to produce milk or lay eggs. I think that if these North Slope caribou got their hooves on a typewriter, they would almost certainly request heated blankets. In the absence of typewriters, we’re stepping in to fulfill that need!” At press time, the company added that the data center would generate enough excess energy to give all musk ox a much needed shave.