The era of the craggly mountain peak has ended, and the age of the flat top has begun. Gone are the days when rugged ridgelines and towering spires were idealized across the mountaineering community. No more ropes, belays, ice axes, and crampons. Stash those in the closet and instead grab your lawn chairs, beach towels, and trampolines. Who wants to sit on a sharp peak, anyways? Let’s enjoy the levity of a level surface for a change - you deserve it. Peaks are so overrated!
Do you have ANY IDEA the pressure I feel with O’Malley staring me down every day? I mean, my god, the mountain is practically an arrowhead. O’Malley this, the Ramp that, blah blah blah. I didn’t ask to have a flat top! I used to have a pointy pinnacle but the glaciers shaved it right off. But none of you were around to see my former glory, were you? You point, you stare, you say “that mountain is for babies”. So immature. Have you ever tried hiking me from the Glen Alps side? WHO’S THE BABY NOW?
At press time, the Appalachian Mountains announced their solidarity.