Sources that report that Mary Peltola has vastly outpaced Dan Sullivan in campaign fundraising, as well as in the 100-meter dash. “She’s so fast!” exclaimed one political consultant working for Peltola, referencing not only her money-raising capabilities but also her speed on the track. “We all knew that she was good at bringing in donors – that’s part of the reason why she is a quality candidate – but her performance in the 100-meter dash is just outstanding, especially when compared to Dan Sullivan who basically walked the whole thing.”
“This result gives us a lot of political firepower against Sullivan,” continued the consultant as she brainstormed phrases such as ‘Sluggish Sullivan’ and ‘Slowpoke Sully’ to run in a TV ad. “We really didn’t know who was going to win this one, but right out of the gate Peltola pulled ahead and left Sullivan in the dust – he really didn’t have a chance. Knowing the outcome, I’m honestly surprised he agreed to the race. Choose your battles wisely.” At press time, Peltola had seriously outmaneuvered Sullivan in a key public debate, as well as in 1-on-1 basketball.