Pick. Click. Give. Regret.

The State of Alaska has announced a new program for on-the-fence philanthropists: Pick. Click. Give. Regret. “This program is specifically designed for those charitable Alaskans who give away some of their PFD to a good cause, but then immediately regret their decision,” stated a spokesperson in a press release. “If you chose to donate a portion or all of your PFD, but then experienced second thoughts because you could’ve used that money to buy a new snow machine, this program is for you!”

“Pick. Click. Give. Regret. helped me through a consumerist crisis!” exclaimed Shelley Anne, one of the program’s early adopters. “My friends told me I should donate a portion of my PFD to a good cause to invest in Alaska’s future, so I did, but then I remembered that winter is coming up and I wanted to buy a new pair of skate skis! Pick. Click. Give. Regret. helped me through this capitalistic conundrum, and I’ve come to realize that the seven pairs of skis I already own will do for this winter.” At press time, the State of Alaska was considering tacking on another step, “Accept.”, to complete the five-stages of PFD.